14 July 2010

Well I'll be DURNED



One of my partners in crime just nominated me for this incredible award!



HOLLA! This makes me wanna jump up and down on my bed singing "I Believe I Can Fly!" This makes me wanna stand at the edge of a boat yelling about the king of the world or something. This makes me wanna...go shopping. What doesn't though? SOOOO, I get to tell you 5 things about myself and then nominate 2 blogs for the award too!



Heretofore are my 5 things. Don't fall asleep...





Uno. I am lactose intolerant. There, I said it. It needed to be acknowledged. But the thing is, I am a total dairy fiend. Hold on to your cheese, people. Generally, it doesn't bother me too much until you get to the creamier ice creams and yogurts and straight up MILK. And I just don't know when to stop before I start to feel bad things going on inside my vital organs. Most people who know me know that when I make a scared face and say "Uhoh," it's time to go home. Stat. This may have been too much information for you all.



Dos. I don't like birds. As in, those devil animals who would love nothing more than to peck my eyes out with their sharp little demon beaks and pull my hair with their talons. This is a problem mainly when I want to sit outside to eat and the people I'm with think it would be fun to feed the mother truckin birds. What's fun about that? What's fun about catching bird flu? What's fun about salmonella? Nothing. I would rather hold a venomous snake in my hot little hands, or a gila monster, or a tarantula, any day of the week. There is one and only one exception to this rule: Flightless birds. Who doesn't like freakin penguins?? Also, emus.


Tres. The truth is, I would almost always choose something that is so ugly it's cute, than something that is just plain cute. Example: babies. Example: animals. Example: friends. JUST KIDDING, y'all are stone cold hotties.





Quatro. I had back surgery a couple of years ago to remove a cyst that was embedded in the base of my spine. They ended up taking out most of my tailbone as well. Inside that cyst was spinal fluid and hair. Inside that cyst was my evil twin.

I WON.

Also, this makes me a badass. Literally.





Cinco. I love love love anything scary- movies, haunted houses, ghost-related carriage rides, Halloween festivities, that is, until I am actually experiencing them. Cue the paralyzing fear and hands clutching my face and whoever is unlucky enough to be next to me. The IDEA of scary is fantastic to me. The goosebumps, heart pounding, bug-eyed, jumpy heebie-jeebies, but without fail, I am dooming myself to many sleepless nights curled up in a ball in my bed, praying that the demons won't come get me. To this day, if I happen to wake up at 3am (the witching hour) I turn on the tv as loud as I can, without waking up the roomies, turn on the lights, and hope hope hope that I won't turn into Emily Rose, have seizures, turn green, and need an exorcism. I never ever learn though. Case in point: Paranormal Activity. Eh, it's not that scary, right? It's just footage from a dumb video camera. THEREIN LIES THE TERROR.


Funny story related to this:


After watching that scary ass home movie, I got home around midnight, and thanked Jesus, Mary, Joseph, unicorns, angels, puppies, and all the saints that dear Josephine was still awake. Because I'll be DANGED if I'm going to tiptoe into a dark, demon infested apartment where my roommates both lie, either brutally mutilated, or possessed by the devil. So of course, Jo and I are sitting in the living room, I am clutching at poor Mia, a little too tightly I'm sure, and telling the story of The Scariest Movie Ever Made since E.T. and just when I'm getting to the part about how the demon would turn on the water in the middle of the night, I shit you not, WE HEAR WATER GUSHING IN JO'S BATHROOM. Jo and I simultaneously try to leap into each other's laps and shriek in terror. This cannot be happening. There is an effing DEMON in our apartment. We're going to have to move.


About 5 minutes later, after we have pep-talked each other up enough to check out the water, we creep into the bathroom to confront Satan see where it is coming from. Turns out, there is a waterfall flowing from the air vent above the tub. So the demon is living in the air ducts now. Interesting.


We drag each other upstairs to see if maybe the water could be coming from the apartment above us. At that time, there was an older dad living there with his 2 kids, and since Mia had accosted him hundreds of times, we at least knew him enough to say hi everyday. We noticed that the window to the left of the front door, which opened into the master bedroom, had the blinds open. The room looked dark but we could hear a tv going inside. After about 30 seconds of banging on the door and maniacal giggling, we look over and see Big Daddy, as we will call him from now on, leaping out of his bathtub and running for the door, uh, naked as a jay bird. Since at this point, we have no filter, Josie yells "He's naked!!!" and I start cackling uncontrollably like a 3rd grader. Then I see Jo run like she has never run before toward the stairs... That ho was going to leave me to contend with a nude and probably disgruntled Big Daddy! We mumble a high pitched "sorry...water...eek!" through the door and basically fall over each other trying to get down the stairs and into the safety of our demonic apartment. Roughly a minute later, Big Daddy knocks on OUR door and probably hears us both going "You answer it. No, YOU answer it!" We eventually open the door to a drenched but fully clothed Big Daddy and he sweetly comes in to "check out our leak." In the end, I think the poor man just wanted to see inside Josie's love lair and hopefully get an invite for the future. No Dice, BD.


And that is how we make friends with our neighbors over here at 2601. BD has since moved out.




Okay, and more importantly, my nominations! I choose...
My nugget head Sarah! This gal knows what's up! Check out her bloggy for great recipes, design ideas, and entertaining tips!

The sassy and fabulous Ellen Hill! Her design style is so smart and sophisticated and I miss miss miss those late nights in the studio with her!

And now that I've either bored you, freaked you out, or convinced you even further that I have issues, I'm outie! Have a truly marvelous weekend, I know I will :)

2 comments:

  1. Ha!
    Your story is too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think you should be on the Chelsea Lately's roundtable. Ashley and I agree that you would be an instant star.

    ReplyDelete